I That’s it. I’ve had enough. No more. I am tired of it.
I am tired of trying to be ordinary. I am actually exhausted by it.
I mean I know that I’m not ordinary. I never have been. And I know that for anyone who has met me the thought that I tried to be, have ached to be, ordinary – is laughable if not bizarre and maybe sad.
I know that now. But I don’t think I have, really, understood. Well I have, occasionally, got it. But when I am around extraordinary people I have always tried to hide, be apologetic, be in fear.
I have had enough of the ordinary. I want to be extraordinary, inspiring, weird, crazy, interesting, exciting.
And I want to be with people who want to be all of that.
I want to be VIBRANT. I want to be bright. I want to “be a spirit, not a ghost”. I want to energise and enthuse people. I want to stick to my guns. I want to stand on parapets. I want to tingle with excitement.
I have done a great deal of work on myself over the last few years. Travelled. Been with inspirational and extraordinary coaches. Written a book. And I am still frightened. And what of? Honestly Sue – really?
People have loved me. They’ve kicked my arse. They’ve waited for me. They have been patient. They have been exasperated.
I feel like that person, in the joke, who is standing on the top of the roof in a flood – initially praying for God to save her, and then yelling at him for not saving her.
There is a voice booming in my soul. “Susan – I have sent you many Angels to love you and show you, inspire you and guide you. I have told Shamans to tell you your heart is great and your Spirit pure. I have sent people to tell you that you have great Angel wings. I have sent you coaches and inspirational mentors to teach you and drive you on. I have put you in incredible places with incredible coincidences.
Susan, you know you are extraordinary, you have written that we are all extraordinary, you believe that everyone else is extraordinary, WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE!”
I have a laugh that can be heard in the next county.
I am almost 6’ tall.
I have a huge smile.
I am built to a different scale.
I am not ordinary.
What does it take to bridge the gap? To discard the carapace of banality. To metamorphose?
And now I am feeling this buzz and this power, how do I stay in it?
I don't know - but I will. And once I have figured out how to do it - I will break you out too.
Thats my promise to you. My womanifesto.
If you want to break free too - let me know - comment below.